Tuesday, July 25th, 10:36
Park River, MN
Evan walked out of Heidi’s home and stood on the front porch. The warm, morning summer air and sunlight uplifted him for a few seconds, but then reality came crashing down, violently mangling the brief good feeling.
He turned back, thinking he should try one more time to
convince her to have him stay. But, why? The exact same thing would happen
He stepped down the stairs and hurried over to the Ram. He
opened the door, climbed in, and slammed the door shut.
After starting up the truck, he backed out of the Kircher’s
driveway and headed up the street.
He couldn’t hold the emotion in any longer. “Damnit!” He
plunged his clenched fist on top of the dashboard. “Why couldn’t I have just
ignored it!” He could barely feel the impact from the powerful hit though he
knew he should be feeling something. He glanced at his fist’s landing spot; the
dashboard’s outer vinyl skin was crushed inward, with some of the polyurethane
now exposed. Part of the upper rim of the radio was crushed and bent. “No! What
am I doing?” Keeping his eyes on the road, he smoothed his palm across the
crushed material several times. “Sorry, Ram Girl, sorry. I’ll fix you later.”
He readjusted his grip on the steering wheel, sealing his
hands around the solid material tightly. “Master Ren would not approve of this,
not at all.” If only this new sudden urge to slam his foot on the accelerator
would vanish. “God, Heidi, I love you so much. I told you I was sorry.”
His eyes tearing, his vision blurring, he fortunately could yet see most of
the road. "Should have ignored your confused behavior.
Wrap you up in my arms, like I usually do. Hold you until you end…end this emotional nonsense.” He
saw the stop sign up ahead. Closer, and closer the sign appeared, but his foot
refused to leave the accelerator. Damn foot. He wiped his eyes with one hand
and then gripped both hands on the steering wheel without mercy.
The stop sign’s intersection was becoming unnoticeable, as
were several cars passing by.
“Screw it!” He slammed down on the accelerator, spun the
Ram’s tires into screeching madness, and made a sharp, burning right turn onto
He checked his rear-view mirror. No vehicles behind him.
Somehow, he had sped out into zero traffic even with all the vehicles ahead on
the road. God was with him though he didn’t deserve it.
He glanced around. No cops nearby.
Memories of Dad, slowing the Suburban, when he instead
should have crushed that accelerator dead in the floor flashed through his
mind. But, no. Can’t dwell on that now. Last thing needed was a memory about
His breathing escalating, Evan realized calm was needed.
Master Ren. Remember what Master Ren would say.
He drew in a deep, filling breath and slowly released the
air. Yet this didn’t resolve his fractured thoughts. He shuddered a moment, and
then understood he never could have done that.
He could not have held Heidi; his embrace wouldn’t have
worked this time with how she appeared to him.
And his embrace may not work later.
In fact, holding her in his arms may not ever work again.
Something needed to be done, and soon, or he and Heidi were